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“They say life in life there are defining moments that test us beyond our limits. For me, this could not be any more true. But, God’s grace can bring about a peace that defies understanding.”
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I remember the day my life totally changed. I was 7 months pregnant with my youngest daughter. I had an unshakable feeling of dread that day. It felt as though a dark cloud followed me home. As I returned home and walking into my home, I couldn’t help but notice it was unusually dark inside. The lights were dim, and I was met by my husband at the door with a solemn look on his face. He was insistent on me needing to rest, which seemed odd and was making me grow increasingly frustrated. Finally, he revealed to me the news he had been so nervous to share – my only son, Maurice, had been shot. But the news got worse: Despite the doctor’s best efforts, he was not able to survive his wounds, and he had succumbed to his injuries. It was December 16, 1998. The day my life changed forever.
In all of my frustration, grief and anger over the situation, I ran upstairs to be alone. I was angry with God. It was the holidays, and what typically is a joyous time of year would always bring with it remembrances of my worst nightmare. NOTHING would ever be the same. As I screamed and wailed in sorrow for my loss, a strange thing happened. I felt instantly comforted. God began preparing me immediately for what I knew would be a long road to recovery. I will never forget, as we made arrangements with my pastor and church to bury my son, I remember asking God, “Why my only son?” and He responded, “Didn’t I give you my only son?”
It is only by his grace that he saw me through and moved me from pain to purposed assignment. I learned to accept this test or trial was necessary for me to reach my next level. Throughout the years, he has offered me clarity in how to use my story to help others overcome their personal challenges by leaning on their faith and trusting in His divine guidance.
I am a living witness, there is no such thing as losing. You always WIN - even when it looks like you’re down. His grace and mercy are sufficient – all the time. It is well!
That’s my why, but my story doesn’t end there. Even before the devastation of losing my son, I faced many challenges as a young girl.
I always knew I had been given up by my biological mother, but I had come to appreciate life with my adopted family. Then at the age of 6, a trusted family member who had been sworn to secrecy, revealed to me that I was that the man I thought was my adopted father all of my life was actually my biological father. I was the product of an extramarital affair.
As you can imagine, this news was crushing and led me to question so much about my life – a bunch of questions I thought I would never get answered because my biological father has passed not to long before I uncovered his true identity. This led me on a 30+ year journey of insecurity, identity crisis, and a general underlying sense of unbelonging.
Over the years, I spent time on and off trying to retrace the steps of my childhood to find my biological mother. After finally discovering a possible last name, I began to direct message individuals on Facebook. Finally, a glimmer of hope came, and I received a response from a woman who I would soon find out was my biological sister. The resemblance was unmistakable, and she was able to connect me with my mother in 2017. Since that time, we’ve shared tears, stories, and rekindled that unbreakable bond between mother and daughter over family meals and gatherings.
My story could easily be someone else’s, and I am more than grateful for my journey because it is what made me who I am today. It’s the stuff real diamonds are made of…